Hobbits are G.A.F
Hobbits are goth as fuck, no really they are. Let’s examine the
facts shall we.
Goths are generally defined as people who ‘where anything as long as
it is black’, this is not strictly true. Although black is the major
feature of the gothic dress code it can be omitted if it doesn’t fit
in with your existing look. The use of period costume in the gothic
subculture is well documented this trend is followed by Hobbits. Now
you may think that all people in middle earth dress like that but this
is not the case. The problem is everytime someone sends a camera in to
middle earth they only want to photograph the incredibly stylish goth
inhabitants and not the boring plain normal people. If you look
closely at Rivendell you can see shops such as ‘Top Shop’, ‘New Look’
and ‘Miss Selfridges’. Hobbits choose to ignore these trends and go
for their own look. Their own goth as fuck look.
No let’s look at what makes each of the five main hobbits particularly
• Dragons are the vampires of middle earth. Being in the same room as
one is incredibly goth.
• He meets people in caves. Darkness yummy.
• He has a very strange sense of humour (even I thought he was funny)
• Had a tragic childhood.
• Even though his childhood was tragic it was tragic in a romantic
• You can count the number of times he smiles on one hand actually on
• Unnatural hair colour (well for a hobbit anyway) Said unnatural
colour is black, you can’t get more goth. (I’m open for correction on
• Frodo is a mopey goth.
• Angst over Frodo.
• Mopes over Rosie.
• Although Sam is seen to smile he is still angsty on the inside.
• Sam is a mopey goth (although it is possible that he is doing it to
• Pippin is insane
• Pippin is really weird
• I wouldn’t put it past him to where a skirt “I just wanted to see
what it felt like.”
• Pippin can pout and mope with the best of them.
• It always seems like he’s up to something.
• He just can’t keep still indicating a caffeine high.
• Pippin is a coffee fuelled perky goth
• Merry can and will angst over everything.
• Merry writes. The ancient gothic hobby.
• Merry is depressed.
• He angsts.
• He can cope with Pippin.
• He uses alcohol to mask his angst.
• So Merry is a Literary, depressed alcoholic goth.... wait a
Merry is Poe!
Makes you think Mt. Doom was really a goth club doesn’t it?
Notes: Taken from book, film's, fannon and odd
conversations. Probably some one needs to be told this (there is
always at least one) that was a Joke. It wasn’t meant to offend Gothic
people or Hobbits. If it did I’m very sorry but not in the way you
think. If you where offended by this note ask yourself if I would
start to be serious now? I do not own Hobbits and I do not make
profit from them either.